Memorial Day Mayhem
In the Nation's capitol, the Couriers of 4 cities converged this Memorial
Day weekend to do what Couriers do very well, create disturbances riding
bike and getting crazy.
D.C.'s Alleycat extravaganza is a taste of what D.C. wants to offer
to the world in 1998 for the Cycle Messenger World Championships.
D.C. has proved to be capable of creating the atomosphere Messengers the
world have come to expect of the World Championships.
The weekend officially began Friday night the 23rd of May. Organizers;
AZ, Bega and Laura ended up with some 15 sponsors 60 competitors from 4
cities and one wild hilarious weekend with only one known injury.
Bikes were piled in the characteristic, Courier heaps, beers were drunk,
asses were beaten (literally) and tattoes were applied. In all the
town was destroyed which is the sign of a successful party.
Friday night the Messengers of DC did their typical after work partying.
While the gutter punks of Boston made their way immediately to Jinx Proof
for tats. Many were excited about the coming weekend. If a
DC Messenger was prone to climb 18th to Columbia on their way home Friday
night from the bar chances are they would've been hailed by the 6 straightedge
boys from Philly. An unofficial Courier convention took place on
the corner of 18th and Columbia between the hours of 2 and 4 am.
Saturday people were busy hanging out and running into other Couriers.
When people sighted strange faces on fixed gears, guesses were made as
to the origin of the riders arriving at Dupont. Dupont became a hub
for Couriers from out of town along with the group houses on Brown Street,
Mayhem headquarters.
Where the Philly cats were wild, yet non alcohalic, the Boston kids
were busy at work on their bad beer consumption as Little John was sure
to point out repeatedly. The Boston kids, undetterred were sure to
affectionately respond to Little John's persistent taunting by calling
him a cunt and a bitch. Saturday afternoon brought the hungry Messengers
to Whole Foods or whatever that super slow service health food restaurant
is on Conn. At a table 20 Couriers long, titty bars were discussed
with the deft wit of a Courier named Escher from Philly. The Boston
Couriers debated the merits of the movie Anaconda as E-mail Eric debated
the which ghettos were worst, Anacostia or North Philly.
While Moira and Laura slaved over hot stoves all day preparing food
for Sunday's BBQ, people chilled until the big race at 10:30 pm.
Of course we all collected like cattle at the Chicago Stock yards on
the sidewalk in front of Madam's Organ, one of DC Courier stock's favorite
bar to get 86'ed from. The race was a startling 25 checkpoints long.
Frightfully well organized, instructions were actually pretty clear and
the manifest a work of art. Another example of genius in Currying.
There was a moving target-Joe Mills, who if attacked was worth additional
points. There were special extras like a phone # with instructions,
copying a manifest, whipping post, fucking FEDEX tubes to carrying eggs
and condoms compliments of the Whitman Walker clinic. Boston Jessie
was the only known casualty, while DC Morgan flatted in remote Virginia
forcing him to have to walk miles back to the Organ.
DC THC thinking he was being cheered by the fluff chicks of G-town
was pleasantly amused that the cheers were not for him but instead for
a typically naked Little John who was riding behind. The hot night
inspired not only the Boston cats to nakedness, but many others including
Lambchop and DC Tom amongst others. A woman cop was overheard lamenting
that she had been unable to catch a single naked Messenger. Boston
Jessie complained vociferously about the DC theft of the 
Dominatrix
checkpoint. DC Danny the night before exchanged fliers with a friend
who worked at a local S and M bar and upon reading each other's respective
fliers, an idea was born. The Dominatrix checkpoint was consummated
when the Mistress DC Samantha heartily whipped her friends in an outfit
that would make a priest drool. 40 minutes of video footage was taken
of the various bad boys and girls of the Memorial Day Mayhem including
the straight laced Carol of the Byron / Carol duo.
Partying ensued through the night, complete with more whippings, asses
replete with welts and bruises, and more beer consumed than Oktoberfest.
Sunday 2pm brought the track-bike race. Only one girl competed.
Rain soaked the lunatics as they raced circle to circle. The sight
of spectacular crashes was the intersection of 17th and K. Wet cobbles
caused many an experienced track rider to kiss the pavement. At Dupont
the terminus of the track bike race, 2 lovely Boston cats finished of the
race with a naked cruise around the circle bringing cheers from all present.
The final BBQ on Brown St. saw many passed out in chairs and the viewing
of the video footage from the night before. Particularly bad beatings
were met with cheers. insane glee rocked the house when Mistress Samantha
was seen on film in her glory. The party rolled on lazily with eventful
moments like Samantha dragging a surly Boston guy around by his dick and
a pee being taken from a balcony. We all said a reluctant farewell
to our out of town buddies and final tokes were taken, beers were
sipped as we collectively pondered a great weekend through a haze of fatigue
and inebriation.
Lambchop Monthly
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